Please don't hate me
by daynight293
Summary: Merlin's upset and Arthur is trying to help. This is my first fanfic, this summary isn't too good but perhaps the story will be better. WARNING Self harm and there will be some slash in later chapters - don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first fanfic and I hope you enjoy it. I'll write more if you review so please read and review!**

"Where is that idiot?" Arthur shouted while walking down the corridor. "Merlin! Where are you, you twit?" Arthur rounded the corner and walked straight into Morgana.

"Watch where you're going! You could have ruined my dress!" said an angered Morgana. "What do you think you're doing, storming around, shouting, anyway?" she said as she flicked back her hair.

"I'm looking for that useless buffoon who is my so called manservant" he exclaimed.

"Who? Merlin? You really should give that boy a break every once in a while. He's overworked by everyone and when not working he is being punished or shouted at by you."

"Don't tell me how to treat my manservant. Merlin is fine. So what if he's overworked? It just makes him a bit clumsy, that's all." Protested Arthur while pointing his finger at Morgana. "So, do you know where he is or not?"

"How am I supposed to know where your servant is? It's not like I have dreams that can predict the future!"

"I know you don't but you might have seen him around."

"Well I haven't, perhaps you should look in his chambers. Now if you'll excuse me, my hair needs brushing. See you later."

"Yes, if you're not so busy and can take time out of your busy schedule of pampering yourself, I guess I shall see you tonight at dinner." Morgana gave Arthur an evil glare and spun around and then stormed off back to her chambers.

As Arthur walked to Merlin's chambers he started to think about what Morgana had said. _What if I have been working Merlin too hard? No, I can't have, he would have said something, but then again he is more likely to suffer and keep quiet. No, he isn't suffering, if he's overworked he's tired, that isn't suffering. _Arthur thought. As he reached Merlin's door he could hear a muffled sound that he could swear was a scream, but why would Merlin be screaming? He knocked on the door and opened it slowly, looking across the room.

Merlin was in the corner on the floor, in a heap, he was crying. Arthur walked over to him careful not to make a sound as Merlin obviously hadn't realised he was there. He watched Merlin pick up a knife that had red ink all over it, of course, Arthur didn't understand it wasn't ink and so watched Merlin put the knife to his wrist and close his eyes. Arthur wasn't sure on what was happening as he watched him press down and draw back the knife. Arthur at that moment then realised what was going on.

It was too late though, blood was already trickling down Merlin's pale wrist into his palm where it slipped between his fingers onto the floor.

"Oh, Merlin, why?" Merlin turned around in surprise as Arthur crouched down beside him. "Why Merlin, it can't be that bad? You can talk to me, what has caused you to resort to this?" Arthur took a bandage from a drawer and started wrapping it gently around Merlin's wrist. "Merlin, talk to me, I want to help you. How long have you been doing this?"

"I-it doesn't matter, I-I'm fine" Merlin sobbed.

"Well obviously you're not, now tell me what's wrong"

"You won't understand, I can't tell you."

"Well help me to understand, you can talk to me, I can help you." Arthur said softly as he put his arm around Merlin.

"You don't get it though, I can't tell you, I don't know how to tell you."

"Just speak your mind, it's up to you whether you want to tell me but I can understand, I can make it better, but only if you tell me what's wrong."

"You'll hate me though."

"Do you know nothing? I'm not going to hate you, I can't ever hate you, I care about you too much, I know I don't always show it but I do. You can talk to me, you can tell me what's wrong."

"Really? No matter what I say, you won't hate me?"

"Of course I won't you buffoon, now tell me what's wrong."

"I-I. I…"

"Merlin, I don't mean to sound insensitive but spit it out already, I need to get ready for dinner."

"You know what, just forget it!" Merlin said as he stood up.

"No, Merlin, don't be like that. Tell me what you were about to say."

"So you haven't guessed it yet? Isn't it obvious? Half of Camelot know what's wrong."

"Well if I knew what's wrong I wouldn't ask. And as half of Camelot know you surely can tell me." As Arthur said this he turned around and made towards the door. Just as Arthur reached it, Merlin spoke.

"Arthur, I love you."


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur paused as he let the words sink in, 'what was he supposed to say or do?' he thought. He didn't want to speak to Merlin, he had to get out of there so he swung the door open and let it sway as he stormed off while Merlin watched him longingly.

_Arthur's POV_

_His eyes are burning me, I know they are. Don't look back Arthur, just keep on going, carry on walking. No, what if he does that again, I cannot be the reason he does that again, i have to go back and see if he's ok, I cannot keep walking on without knowing if he's ok. But it's too late to turn back, if I do that now I'll see him in that heap on the floor… what can I do? oh great, just as I thought this moment can't get any worse…_

"Arthur! You look like you've seen a ghost, wouldn't be surprised if you had, a haunting's what you deserve."

"Just leave me alone Morgana, now's not the time!" _I snapped at her. That was a bad idea, now I won't be left alone or hear the end of it…_

"Don't you take that tone of voice with me! What exactly have I done? You shouldn't take your anger out on other people, especially me. That reminds me, you owe me an apology."

"What for now? Did someone a spider in your room?" _I said sarcastically_.

"No, for earlier for nearly ruining my dress. And if I find a spider in my room I shall be holding you responsible and will make you pay. So, did you find Merlin after storming around without a care?" _I flinched at the mentioning of his name, I hoped she hadn't notice but nothing seems to escape her._

"What's wrong with you, you've suddenly become very pale?" _She was looking at me intently, trying to read into my thoughts; penetrating my eyes. I stood there frozen, wishing she would just leave so I wouldn't have to answer. To be honest, I couldn't really answer, what __**is**__ wrong with me? Why should I care about Merlin and what he does to himself? He's just a manservant, a bloody lazy one at that. But then again, he is the only person who I can call a friend, not that I would admit that to anyone._ "OK just ignore me why don't you?"

"Just leave it Morganna, this is none of your business."

"Fine, I'll go away." She turned away from me I let out a breathe, since when was I holding it? "Oh, Arthur…" she called back, "something you should know, people aren't always strong like they make out, things eat away at them, all it takes is someone to listen."

_I walked away staring at the floor as I thought about what she just said. Was that meant to be general advice? Or does she know what happened earlier with Merlin. No, she can't know what happened. She's just saying it to try to get stuff out of me, isn't she?_

He walked back slowly to his chambers needing a distraction from the events of earlier. Hunting was what he'd usually do but Arthur had only a few hours until the feast that evening so had to settle for some training instead. He began to put on his armour but stopped in his tracks when he noticed a single drop of red on his hand. The pain that Merlin was going through, all caused by him. But was it? He wasn't forcing Merlin to do anything and yet still he felt so guilty, as he lay there on his bed, hearing the silence around imprison him until the feast…


End file.
